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This Is Your Inside Edge: If you're feeling uncomfortable having the conversation you know you need to have.
The Hard Conversations
I came into this week thinking it would be a light one. I was excited for the space to create and reflect on the bigger questions.
But here I am on Friday afternoon, only just getting the space I was looking forward to.
I want to spend more time writing and creating resources that help me and the changemakers I work with reach impossible goals. Writing is the tool that helps me clarify my thoughts. So rather than feeling despondent that I’ve only just found this clear space to reflect, I’m using the context of my week for this week's content.
This week was all about difficult conversations. Whether in my board roles, the not-for-profits I support, or with clients dealing with tricky suppliers, the energy of the week seemed to centre around difficult conversations.
Many of you on this email list have completed the Negotiation Type Quiz. Over a thousand people have taken it now, and the patterns I’m observing are fascinating.
We're All Diplomats... Until It Counts
Yes, of course you are! I smile whenever I see a new completion notification showing the results.
Not everyone gets a high score as a Diplomat, but a large majority do. And yet, the reality is, we’re not Diplomats when it matters most. Not when we’re stressed, under pressure, triggered, scared, uncomfortable, or navigating all the emotions that arise when having conversations to reach an agreement. In other words, negotiating.
This week, I’ve been in multiple conversations, many of which were uncomfortable.
I’ve been reflecting on how I showed up in those moments, asking myself whether I was truly the Diplomat, maximising the value of the agreement for all parties while maintaining the relationship.
The truth? The jury’s out. They’re deliberating.
There was definitely some evidence of Dealing, making concessions that perhaps didn’t need to be made in pursuit of finding middle ground. There was some Avoiding, leaving the trickiest part of the discussion until the end. There was also some Accommodating, preserving certain relationships, perhaps at the cost of the most optimal outcome.
The General didn’t show up this week. Mainly because my conversations weren't about distribution, splitting the existing pie, but about value creation, growing a bigger pie.
And it makes me chuckle because, in theory, we all think we’re acting like Diplomats.
But when it’s real? When the stakes are high, when emotions are involved, when our identity or security is on the line? The way we think we negotiate and the way we actually negotiate can be very different.
The Tightrope Between Results and Relationships
One of my assignments this week has been creating a value exchange proposition for a not-for-profit organisation whose main funding source is partnerships.
Most 'partnerships' are actually just transactional sponsorships, where the giving party asks, What do we get in return?
At best, it’s a conversation about fair value exchange. But rarely is it a conversation about a shared journey.
Are you going where I’m going?
How might we get further together?
Could we amplify our impact and accelerate our returns by working together?
What would be most valuable to you?
I rarely hear funders ask, What can we contribute to maximise the value created for all of us?
That’s the shift I’ve been working on this week, introducing a transformational partnership approach where everyone wins and greater value is created.
I love it. And it’s testing me because it’s one thing to teach people how to negotiate. It’s another thing entirely to be who you say you are.
The Inner Negotiation
I’m The Value Negotiator. My work is to create and maximise value.
I need to embody more of the Diplomat to do that. And if I let my discomfort get in the way, I miss the opportunity to stretch people's thinking.
I take on high reputational risk in the work I do because people expect me, as the expert, to get them an outcome.
And I want to get the best outcome possible. But that means stretching myself beyond what’s comfortable to achieve results others can’t.
Being a Diplomat isn't easy. But it will make you a much better human if you know when and how to be assertive, to push for what seems unreasonable, to challenge perspectives and possibilities, to go beyond others’ risk appetites and align to a vision bigger than any one individual or organisation.
I’m playing a game where the stakes are real.
But the bigger game I’m playing?
Being the human I’m most proud to look at in the mirror. The one who put her discomfort aside. Who didn’t cop out of a difficult conversation. Who didn’t choose personal comfort over standing for a better outcome.
The one who kept reaching for a goal bigger than what’s been reached before.
I’m here for it.
How about you?
Who Are You Becoming?
What is your true negotiation type when the opportunity for value creation really presents itself?
Will you step up? Or will you, in some way, step out?
I know I have work to do. My practice is a never-ending journey. If you want to play at Olympic level, you stop measuring yourself against school-level benchmarks.
Stretching is what allows your muscles to grow.
So don’t atrophy. Choose better.
Noticing You’re Not Really the Diplomat When It Counts?
If you’re recognising a gap between how you think you negotiate and how you actually show up under pressure, here’s what to do next:
Observe without judgment – Instead of beating yourself up, get curious. What triggers you? When do you shift from Diplomat to Dealer, Avoid
Slow it down – In high-pressure moments, take a breath. Literally. Creating just a few seconds of space can help you respond rather than react.
Practice in low-stakes situations – Start noticing your tendencies in everyday conversations. Where do you hesitate? Where do you concede too soon? Where do you avoid?
Stretch your range – If you tend to avoid conflict, practice small moments of assertiveness. If you over-accommodate, experiment with asking for what you really want.
Reflect & Adjust – After a tough conversation, ask yourself: What worked? What didn’t? How would I approach this differently next time?
The good news? Self-awareness is the first step toward change. The more you notice, the more choice you have in who you become when it counts the most.
Until next week, keep going and keep growing.
Warmest,
Glin
'Together We Create More Valuable Agreements'
P.S. If you’ve taken the Negotiation Type Quiz, you might have noticed that Diplomat comes through strongly for you. That’s not surprising. Most people have an element of Diplomat in them.
But here’s the real question, are you truly the Diplomat when it counts?When you're under pressure? When discomfort kicks in? The quiz reflects how you think you negotiate, but your real negotiator type is revealed in the moments that stretch you. Pay attention. That’s where the real insight lies.
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