Transforming Your Life Starts with Negotiating Your Ego

Time to read: 3mins

This Is Your Inside Edge: If you are sick and tired of your ego (or theirs) getting in the way of what you want.

Negotiation Begins Inside Your Head

We’re two weeks into the New Year, and already, Nayla is doing my head in.

Nayla, in case you’re wondering, is the name I’ve given my ego—because I want to “Nail Her.”

When I’m feeling generous, I’ll call her the pesky voice in my head, the joker, or the chimp. But right now? She’s definitely Nayla.

Why? Because she’s throwing a tantrum, convinced I’m trying to kill her.

And between you and me... she’s right, I am.

You see, I started this year with a realisation that’s completely upended her world: I don’t want to be a business owner.

This has sent Nayla into a full-on spiral. She loves the status that comes with being “seen” in a certain way—though I’m not sure what that way actually is.

As for me, I’ve realised that the more tightly I cling to specific identities, the less free I feel to show up in a way that’s true to who I am.

When I told Nayla I was stepping into the identity of a creator—not a business owner—she had a fit. She told me to get my head checked and stop being so ridiculous. 

And now, here we are. Stuck in a standoff.

Can You Relate?

Your situation might not look like mine (it likely won't). Maybe your ego doesn’t have a name, or maybe it does, but here’s the question:

Have you ever felt that push-pull between who you are and who you think you’re supposed to be?

Maybe it’s the voice that tells you not to ask for the raise because you “should be grateful” for what you already have.

Maybe it’s the hesitation to step forward with an idea because you’re afraid of getting it wrong.

Or maybe it’s the part of you that stays quiet in the meeting, smiles through the frustration, or nods along to keep the peace, all the while knowing it’s not what you want.

And let’s not forget how this shows up with other people.

• The boss whose ego blocks every good idea because it wasn’t theirs.
• The friend who digs their heels in, refusing to see another perspective.
• The partner whose pride keeps them from saying, “You’re right.”

It happens to all of us—this delicate (or not so delicate) dance with our ego, or someone else’s, as we try to move closer to what we truly want.

And it’s exhausting.

Because here’s the truth: our ego isn’t interested in progress or alignment. It cares about being right. About feeling safe. About staying in control.

So, what if the first step wasn’t trying to convince them—or yourself—that you’re right?

What if the first negotiation was about letting go of the need to win?

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Now, let me be clear: this isn’t about being reckless or throwing caution to the wind.

It’s about understanding that fear, more than anything else, is what fuels the ego.

The fear of rejection, of looking foolish, of failing—or even succeeding. It’s all the same to your ego (and theirs) because its job is to keep you small, safe, and predictable.

So, what’s the antidote? Facing that fear.

That’s what I’m doing right now.

Writing doesn’t scare me. I love it.

But letting you in? Showing you who I really am? That’s a whole different story.

Why? Because Nayla thrives on judgment. Not just mine, but yours too.

And I know there are plenty of other Naylas out there—other egos ready to join in, ready to find fault or make me feel small.

And yet... here I am. Writing anyway.

Because the antidote to fear isn’t avoiding it. It’s walking straight into it.

Negotiation Is About Who You Become

At its core, negotiation is never just about the deals you make or the outcomes you achieve.

It’s about transformation.

It’s about becoming the kind of person who can sit with fear and still take action.

The kind of person who doesn’t need to cling to old labels or identities to feel worthy.

And the kind of person who knows that every outer negotiation—whether it’s with a colleague, a partner, or a client—starts with the one happening inside their own head.

So, let me ask you:

• What fear is keeping your ego in control?
• Where are you holding back because you’re afraid of how you might be judged?
• And who would you be if you let that go?

Here’s the truth I’m learning to live by: the most powerful agreements aren’t the ones we make with others.

They’re the ones we make with ourselves.

Keep going and keep growing.

Warmest,

Glin

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