Why your identity shapes your negotiation success

Time to read: 3mins

This Is Your Inside Edge: If you're done playing small and want to show up powerfully in every negotiation - starting with the one inside you.

The negotiation that matters most

If you’re working towards something bigger - more impact, more influence, or simply the confidence to ask for what you really want - you probably already know the strategy.

You’ve done the work. You know how to prepare, how to communicate, how to hold your ground.

And yet, something still gets in the way.

It’s not the other party. It’s not the external challenge.

It’s the quiet, internal negotiation happening inside you.

The one that says: Am I really good enough? Have I earned the right? Do I belong in this room?

And until you win that negotiation, no external success will ever feel like enough. 

The hidden negotiation we all face

This week, I was in Sydney training a group of seasoned negotiators - people who’ve been in high-stakes trading roles for 25+ years. They’re sharp. They’ve been in tough rooms. They know how to navigate complexity.

And yet, even in that room, I recognised something familiar.

Because no matter how much experience you have, if your internal identity doesn’t align with the success you’re trying to create, you’ll always feel like you’re negotiating against yourself.

I know this because I’ve lived it.

For years, I thought negotiation was about strategy, tactics, and leverage. And on the surface, it is. But the more I’ve worked with leaders and high performers, the more I see that negotiation is really about identity- who you believe you are and what you believe you deserve.

I know this battle well

I grew up in a single-parent household, in a council house, in a rough part of Birmingham, England. At school, I was ‘the smart kid’ - until I got into a grammar school and found myself surrounded by kids who’d been privately educated their whole lives. Suddenly, I felt average at best.

So I did what a lot of us do when we feel like we don’t measure up:

I worked harder.

I chased credentials. Took on leadership roles. Built expertise. From the outside, it probably looked like confidence. But inside? I was still negotiating against the belief that I had to prove myself.

And here’s what I’ve learned over years of doing the work:

• No title, achievement, or external validation will ever resolve an internal identity conflict.

• The more you chase approval, the less free you are to act from a place of strength.

• The moment you stop trying to prove yourself, you start showing up differently - more powerfully, more decisively, more in alignment with what actually matters.

The freedom to show up powerfully

These days, I sit on the boards of two non-profits and support with the partnership strategy of a third. Not for the title. Not for the status. But because I can make a difference.

And the biggest shift? I no longer need the recognition.

I don’t need my title to validate my expertise. I don’t need my work to be proof that I’m good enough. And that freedom?

It’s not just about me.

It allows me to show up more powerfully for the people I train, coach, and work with - because I’m not standing in front of them looking for validation.

I don’t need them to tell me I’m good enough.

Instead, I can focus 100% on helping them step into their own power.

And funnily enough, when you stop negotiating for approval, you start creating the exact opportunities you were chasing all along.

Your Inside Edge:

If you feel like you’re constantly pushing for more but still questioning whether you’re ‘ready’ or ‘good enough,’ ask yourself:

1. What belief am I negotiating against?
   (Am I still waiting to ‘earn’ my place, even when I’ve already done the work?)

    

2. Where am I still seeking external validation?
   (Am I relying on a title, salary, or recognition to feel like I’m enough?)

    

3. What would change if I stopped waiting for permission to own my value?
   (How would I show up? What decisions would I make differently?)

    

Because at the end of the day, the most important negotiation isn’t about tactics, leverage, or even confidence.

It’s about identity.

And once you stop negotiating against yourself, you start negotiating for what actually matters.

And that changes everything.

The next chapter...

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about this for myself - not just in the work I do, but in how I create, contribute, and what comes next.

Because negotiation isn’t just about what you do - it’s about who you become in the process.

And I have a feeling this year is going to be about stepping into something new. More on that soon...

Until next time, keep going and keep growing.

Warmest,

Glin

'Together We Create More Valuable Agreements'